Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Valli in the Clouds


If I lose my momentum in the washed out weekdays
It's because I'm the victim of a mawkish disease
Reliving the heavily dramatized anguish
When the sour notes came out unbearably loud
And thinking about my Valli in the clouds

I'm slowly dissolving in burgundy laughter
When it gushed out freely like songs from a choir
And banished all requiems to faraway cloisters
But was crushed by the heavy hand of a scholar
And now that the voices are no longer endowed,
I'm thinking about my Valli in the clouds

I'm not giving in to this overwrought dolor
Or the growing allure of these destitute sheets
I face each day in preposterous armor
And flourish my sword with balletic feet
But no matter how much I make myself proud,
I can't get around my Valli in the clouds.
   

23 comments:

  1. Oh, this is quite good. You have the most interesting modifiers: burgundy laughter, destitute sheets, preposterous armor. I feel like I too have preposterous armor, lol. Well said, particularly your last stanza.

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  2. tight lyrics - could make a little tune outta this one.

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  3. elliot, the moments from one poem to another are far too sparse. maybe it's because someone has to spend their time "workin for a livin." cheesy 80's song reference. link below http://youtu.be/9N2CANatVYQ

    this girl utilized the dictionary, for the words above were not in her vocabulary. her conclusion, although it might be wrong, is a guy trying to protect himself from a fantasy goddess. he may dance around, put on show, go through motions, but in the end, he's trying to escape the lovesick visions he has in his head. that is the beauty of interpretation, an open ended, fill in the blank, personally finding your own fit. keep writing.

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  4. Definitely not "wrong", but it's about a real ex-girlfriend and how I felt after I lost her. I initially wrote this as a crude (and vain) attempt at getting her back. But in the last few weeks I went back with a clear and patient mind and put a lot of effort into making it a poem that does not make me want to projectile vomit. I could never have achieved that during the time when I was having all of those soap opera feelings (that was four years ago, btw).

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  5. I liked the poem better after I knew the back story. The destitute sheets is particularly powerful. Nicely done.

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  6. really nice wordplay in here. Especially in the final stanza, dolor, what a great word, crosses the lines of language, as for one, in spanish it means ache or pain, which is fairly similar to the English, but sounds so much better than simply using pain or ache. Great job. Thanks

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  7. Holy shit, somone is talanted!

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  8. I've often wondered why love lost is so painful. Like one has suffered a severed appendage and can't seem to stop the bleeding. The answer that comes to me is as old as Adam and Eve. It is not good for man to be alone. We are meant to find our other half in this fallen world. Failed attempts are anguish.

    This is beautiful, Elliott. I love your poetry.

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  9. I've often wondered why love lost is so painful. Like one has suffered a severed appendage and can't seem to stop the bleeding. The answer that comes to me is as old as Adam and Eve. It is not good for man to be alone. We are meant to find our other half in this fallen world. Failed attempts are anguish.

    This is beautiful, Elliott. I love your poetry.

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  10. Hello Elliot! :)
    Thank you for visiting and following my blog.
    It is always a pleasure to come across poetry blogs since I enjoy reading and writing poems.

    The verses in this poem are such that they create a painting through words. The deep emotions are so clear that the reader can imagine the heartache depicted in it. I enjoyed reading it.

    I look forward to more of your creations.
    Have a good day! :)

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  11. Gorgeous use of language. And I like knowing the backstory too.

    {Ami}
    http://sundrysumthins.wordpress.com/

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  12. Man, i really like the words you use. Well thought out.

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  13. When I read this poem, it almost has a gleeful ring to it in my head. After reading your comments, I realize that my tempo was very off. (It may also be attributed to the fact that I don't know what a "valli" is.)

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  14. I liked this very much.
    In "Valli" I am assuming that you mean "Valhalla"?
    ...where they drink at Odin's table, but you have to die with your sword in your hand.

    Thank you for your comment, and for following.
    Following back! ;)

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  15. Nope, Valli was the name of the girl. I am familiar with Valhalla though I have never visited.

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  16. For me, on first reading, this improved as it went on. I think now, though, that was me. I was slow getting in to it. Now the quality seems more even - and a very high quality at that, though the second stanza shines out like a beacon.

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  17. I keep reading this over and over.

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  18. Mmmm . . . crushed by the heavy hand of a scholar.

    That sings, baby.

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  19. Great blog, loved it.
    I'll follow you.
    Cheers from Argentina.
    HD

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  20. You are an absolutely gifted writer, I hope to learn from you! BRAVO! Please add me as well, I started following you recently

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  21. Very crisp writing. I liked the metaphors. Creative and well-written.
    -HA

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