Monday, May 28, 2012

Tommy's Poem


tommy the tech leaves for work in a hurry
looking prep school gothic and not too happy
a zookeeper making his way to the zoo
to stop wild animals from flinging their poo
he comes back to the house and does laundry in a flurry
then it’s time to isolate and whip up some stir fry
or curry, something incredibly spicy

and some days he goes to a bungalow of dreams
then inevitably back to the rehab again
he lives halfway between solace and sin
i wonder what mysteries lay hidden in the seams

i remember one morning in negative nine
when he trained his guitar strings to wistfully laugh
he sang me a story as he nurtured their spines
and the string on my heart almost broke in half

and tommy’s recovery is as tight as his pants
and free as his wisdom, and true as his doubt
he rarely pontificates when taking a stance
and tommy’s heart breaks when a brother goes out

but that doesn’t make him some crucified martyr
the tough kind of love is usually smarter
and tommy is brilliant when it comes to surrender
and one of this brotherhood's most valiant defenders

13 comments:

  1. Wow, Good brother. The imagery of this one is quite good. I can strongly relate to a good portion of this. I do not believe that I had every met this man, but all at the same time- I knew him in archetype.
    On top of that, I really like the picture you paint of working at a treatment center- it is very accurate, especially at our Alma Mater.

    All in all, my good man- it tickles the heartstrings, In-deed.

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  2. my fave line is: "...when he trained his guitar strings to wistfully laugh."...
    :)

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  3. he lives halfway between solace and sin...don't we all eh?

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  4. and tommy’s recovery is as tight as his pants
    and free as his wisdom, and true as his doubt

    love these lines.

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  5. Hi Elliot - These are my favorite lines:
    'and some days he goes to a bungalow of dreams'
    'and tommy’s recovery is as tight as his pants'
    'and tommy is brilliant when it comes to surrender'
    This is the first poem of yours I have read, I wonder if you always use rhyme or not. I'll snoop around a little and see. Also I went to your other blog (trying to follow good blogger protocol after you left an comment on my blog) and I nearly wet myself laughing. I'd love to read more entries there!
    Cheers,
    Other Mary

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  6. There are some great lines in this. I found the changes in the rhyme scheme a little distracting though.

    {ami}
    http://sundrysumthins.wordpress.com/

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  7. If you find out what's hidden in the seams, let me know. I bet it's something sweet.

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  8. The string on MY heart almost broke in half as I read this. It conjurs powerful emotions. There is so much sorrow, strength and power in these words.

    I found the changes in the rhyme scheme perfect for the subject at hand. Well done.

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  9. @ Other Mary, all of the ones I've posted on here do, at least. When it comes to poetry I'm a bit of a traditionalist. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for stopping by.

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  10. This is very good. I especially love the first stanza, great choices for character descriptions, the goth girl, the zookeeper, and putting the poo and the food in such close proximity stirred up a chuckle or too. moving from narration into reflection was a great touch as well. Very much enjoyed this. Thanks

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  11. I liked this a bunch! Here is my favorite stanza

    and some days he goes to a bungalow of dreams
    then inevitably back to the rehab again
    he lives halfway between solace and sin
    i wonder what mysteries lay hidden in the seams

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  12. Elliot,

    That is a beautiful poem man.

    Quite fondly,

    Dave S.

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  13. I like your blog! Your poems are beautiful, I'm just sad English is not my first language so I don't understand them as well as I understood if I understood the language better! I also write poems, but mostly in Finnish. Happy summer! :)

    xoxo
    Susanna
    http://susanna-behindmyeyes.blogspot.com

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