After he sold them a tower in Paris
They desperately needed to have waterworks installed
And he casually sold them Niagara Falls
With the infinite grace of one destined from birth
To be the best salesman on earth
He appeared in commercials knowing just how they yearned
To wage war on obesity and crucify heartburn
And needed their curiosities piqued
While reality television was voting off the weak
That their hunger for something exhilarating and free
Could be sated with cold beer and pizza delivery
Thanks to the best salesman on earth,
They could just stay home and take on girth
He scurried away to his palatial retreat
And the servants who waited to anoint his feet
And while regular people were taking for granted
He was slowly but surely acquiring this planet
That’s how much his hide was worth,
As the best salesman on earth.
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